Relat(able) - week 5

Becoming Someone vs. Finding Someone

This week’s relationship focus is singleness. If you are married, the conversation below is still valuable to have with your group. Enjoy!

Conversation point:

  • What are your more memorable dating experiences? (if you're married and your story doesn't involve your spouse, be careful!) What typically contributes to a “fun date?”

For those who are single, there are a variety of mindsets to possess:

  • dating with the intent of marriage
  • dating but still looking
  • dating but searching for an escape hatch
  • not dating but wanting to
  • not dating and never, ever, ever, ever wanting to date again

Wherever you are on this relationship spectrum, the main message from God in all of those scenarios is hope. Singleness can bring with it a lot of anxiety and loneliness, which becomes crippling over time. God can alleviate that anxiety by planting hope into our hearts.

Conversation point:

  • Whether you are single or married, in what areas is it difficult for you to trust God with your relationships? What contributes to or creates that distrust?

The end of Matthew 6 is not a dating passage- it’s not even a relationship passage. It’s a Kingdom passage, explaining the “big ideas” of what it means to live in relationship with God. But in verses 25-34, Jesus addresses the idea of worry, and since the anxiety of “will I ever meet someone?” is prevalent in a lot of people, Jesus words are very powerful.

Some seeds of hope that come out of this passage:

  1. If we prioritize a life of seeking God, he will prioritize a life of providing for us- when our happiness is rooted in a Father who sees what we need and provides what we need at the proper time, we don't need to worry about tomorrow.
  2. What we ultimately need most is not a mate but a Maker- when we fall in love with the One who made us, we aren't as preoccupied with finding “the one."
  3. We can’t control finding someone, but we can control becoming someone- when we dwell more on “what type am I” instead of “what type am I looking for,” we shrink the reality gap that exists when looking for the perfect mate.
  4. God moves us toward the proximity of the person he wants us to meet- when we submit ourselves to the process of becoming, God takes responsibility for the process of moving. If we want to get close to someone, get closer to Jesus first.
  5. We can’t let the enemy steal who God wants us to become today- when we stress about a potential outcome tomorrow, we miss out becoming what God wants us to become now.

In our passion to find contentment in a mate, we often fixate on finding what we’re looking for out there. When we do this, we actually miss what God wants to do in us- in here. Becoming the people God wants us to be helps us realize that we already have his perfect love!

Conversation point:

  • What are practical steps you can take to shift your priority from finding someone to becoming someone? If you’re married, how can you help those who are single pursue this mindset?

Deeper Dive

If you or your group wish to further explore this week’s topic:

Consider Jesus’ conversation with the Sadducees in Luke 20:27-40. Jesus subverts their whole line of questioning by stating that marriage is not something that lasts into God’s new world- it is a temporary arrangement that is part of only this age.

Two implications:

  • marriage is a signpost pointing to the way relationships are supposed to be in this age
  • singleness is a signpost showing what relationships are going to be in the age to come

If you are married, in what ways can your marriage be a witness of God’s dream for this world?
If you are single, in what ways can our singleness be a picture of God’s new world?
How can the church better honor both marriage and singleness?